Tuesday, June 01, 2004

I just lost everything that I had typed... FUCK.

I really want a place to put my art, photos and all that jazz so I think I'm going to do a second blog where I put all of it. I would like to just do a web page but fuck that shit. Too much work. Thank you Ben for the comment, things like that mean a lot to me, and make me want to keep going. Which reminds me my painting that I went in to work on didn't turn too bad... I like it more now. Go figure.

I've been reading Crooked
by Louisa Luna (also author of Brave New Girl
aka best book ever) and I don't know if I really like it. I wasn't expecting something as great as Brave New Girl but this book is just kind of... eh. That's one of the reason why I didn't want to read any of her other works b/c I knew that it would never be as good as Brave New Girl and it might make it less great. I don't even know if that makes sense, I'm just overall bored with it.

Sarah came down on Saturday, it was nice to see her, we went to see Nichole and hung out at my place for a bit. Christina came over and we all went to graduation together, boring, but I wanted to hear Loco’s speech, my ex. boyfriend John also gave one. We rented Elephant
some may be wondering why it’s called elephant and what it’s about; it‘s about a school shooting and called elephant b/c it’s a big problem but everyone just covers it up and doesn’t want to talk about it. Christina didn’t stay to watch all of it and I really wish that she would have. It was very emotional, I’ve been through a school shooting which was in no way as bad as the one in the movie but none the less emotional. Thinking that this is what it could have been and all that could have happened is scary and I’m very thankful that it wasn’t. What really gets me about the whole shooting at my school is that nothing changed, all the teachers and shit said that we all came together but that’s bullshit. Nothing changed, and what makes me even more sad is I don’t think anyone really learned anything from it (there are a few however). Jesse Bartell’s little brother was shot b/c he picked on a kid so much that the kid set out to kill him, and he did. His brother died, but yet everyday I see Jesse making fun of kids and called people fags... I don’t get that. He’s not stupid. It’s not just Jesse, it’s just about everyone in the whole fucking school, I get so angry thinking about all of it and it like I want to just go over the intercom and ask the fucks if they fucking get it. We didn’t learn anything as whole, we didn’t come together, everyone stayed in their groups and all that shit and went about calling people fags and such just like always. I fucking hate my school. Well..... that turned into a rant and now I shall get back on topic. Christina called me later that night asking if Sarah and I wanted to come over to her little shin-dig, nothing big. Sarah was too tried but I wanted to go as I was going to be gone for a week. My mom dropped me off, I drank a little (I was thinking that it might sound like I drink a lot, but I don’t.) just buzzed but soon everyone went home b/c it was late. I brought Elephant with me and told Christina that she really needed to watch it, I cried again when I saw it. I asked Christina later if she was glad that she saw the whole thing, she was. I think she cried a little too. I wish everyone could see that movie, kids, adults, everyone. We were tired so we went to “bed” but stayed up for an hour reciting lines from A Night at the Roxbury and some other movie I forget. Our sides and abs hurt so bad but we kept on laughing our ass off, I love that. The nest day (Sunday) Sarah went to her grandma’s and a few other places and was suppose to come back to pick me up. I was to stay with her for a week at her house in Grand Rapids. She never showed, no phone call nothing. My mom called her later but Sarah hung up on her. What the fuck is that? I just got an e-mail from her I'm not going to post it b/c I'm not going to do the whole fighting bullshit but how immature. Whatever Sarah.

Yesterday I went shopping and I haven't in a really long time b/c I never have money (I NEED A FUCKING JOB) so it was nice. I bought a NIN poster that I’ve wanted for a long time and Orgy’s Candyass and Vapor Transmission for 5.99 each! I wanted original CDs instead of burned ones. I also bought their newest one... I don’t really like it. It’s too nu metal sounding. One song sound just like the beginning of Korn’s one song. The lyrics have improved greatly from Candyass but no enough to save the album. Most of the songs are about the same thing just re-worded, I really really really hope this is not where they are going to be going in the future. When I was at the concert they played 2 or 3 songs off the new CD which I found weird, since it was the tour for that album. Media Play had a 200 CD holder for 40 fucking dollars! White trash store Wal-Mart had one for less than 20, woo!

Christina and I are going to see Troy, I hope it’s good.

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