Sunday, June 05, 2005

HOLY FUCKING CRAP I GRADUATED!


very surreal that was. very surreal to go up there and shake the hands of the asshole principal and some other lady.... wowowowow. i'm done with high school, now what? i have the whole world now, and i don't know where to begin. i keep worrying that i wont be able to go evergreen and that i wont make it out to seattle. if i had to i would take out money from the bank just to move out there but i really don't want to do that b/c my biggest fear in life is to go into debt and not be able to get out of it. i want my life with elan, i want to travel everywhere and take pictures and be an artist. i want a studio with a huge darkroom, a potters wheel, a huge space to paint HUGE paintings... i want it all. i want a huge older house with tons of character, i want two great danes named vincent and julies, and i want the money to do all of that. i want to go to school to cut hair too, but i want to be really high up there where i can make $600 on one haircut. i want to be everything. and right now i want to share it all with elan for the rest of my life.


after graduation when i was outside chanti came up to me and jumped up on me and gave me the biggest hug ever. i kinda wanted to cry b/c there are some really awesome people that went to rocori and chanti is certainly one of them. luke came to see me graduate too (and chanti, we were the only two he wanted to see he said), then he came and picked me up after my uncle and grams left my house. we watched sideways (worst. movie. ever.) and garden state (i cried again and if he hadn't been there i would have been bawling my eyes out), then sat and watched some weird shit on tv and talked. it was a good time, it was simple and nice. i don't get to see him like, ever, so it was awesome. thank you luke. he brought me home at 4am b/c we had this weird tired high going on. i took a shower and laid in bed for a while listening to the rain and thunder thinking about elan and our future together, my future in general, and how i could do anything.


speaking of crying, i was watching inside out on VH1 about motley crue getting back together and they finally got mick mars to come and see the guys. he has this diesese where his spinal cord fuses together and some other bones in his body so he can't really walk well. when they showed him for the first time i started to cry. it's like the saddest thing ever. he has a hard time walking, he's 105 pounds and when he started to talk about how he felt no one was there for him, he couldn't be helped, i started to cry harder. i don't know why all of a sudden i cry over everything but it was so sad. i felt so bad, i couldn't even watch it when he was on or i would cry more.


today is so a nine inch nails day. the ep broken is AMAZING. last is still one of my all time favorite songs ever on earth. the guitar is sooo amazing, drums too, i can't even explain how it makes me feel. happiness in slavery is good too.


oh and did i mention i have 230 dollars!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! this is the most money i've had in like 2 years. this week i'm opening a checking account and getting a check card. i'm making myself save ALL OF IT until the end of the summer b/c hopefully i'll have a job soon and i'm going to save all of it, ALL OF IT. i need to move out asap b/c while my mom is cool, she driving me fucking nuts. plus i don't want to have a roommate this year so i need to get a cheap apartment in willmar and maybe all my money saved up will pay for a bunch of months rent. i need a camera of my own too. and like 873498 other things. i think my mom is buying me a computer (with my help b/c there is no way i would have her pay for that all by herself) which is HELLA AWESOME.


out neighbor has poppies in her garden and i love looking at them. they're so pretty, i wish i had a camera now so i could go and take a bunch of pictures. they wouldn't be arty or anything but i would blow them up real shnazzy and hang them on the wall to look at.


i love nine inch nails. here are some songs for you BECAUSE I'M FUCKING AWESOME PEOPLE. really.


gave up

happiness in slavery

last

suck

wish



here are some songs by manson. both are really good, they aren't hard or loud. the first one is cute, yes cute, and working class hero is acoustic. his voice really shines on working class hero, it's so unique. he's amazing.


a rose and a baby ruth



Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
We had a quarrel
A teenage quarrel
Now I'm as blue as I know how to be
I can't call you on the phone
I can't even see you at your home
So I'm sending you this present
Just to prove I was telling the truth
Dear, I believe you won't laugh when you receive
This rose and a Baby Ruth
I could have sent you an orchid of some kind
But that's all I had in my jeans at the time
But when we grow up
Some day I'll show up
Just to prove I was telling the truth
I'll kiss you too, then I'll hand to you
This rose and a Baby Ruth
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo


working class hero



As soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
When they've tortured and scared you for 20 odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can't really function you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV
And you think you're so clever and classless and free
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
There's room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero just follow me
If you want to be a hero well just follow me


would SOMEONE let me know if those work or not for you, even if you're not going to download any (but really you will b/c i say so).

Your Penis Name is: Darth Vader

you jealous?

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