Tuesday, June 05, 2007

where do start?

the apartment will no longer be after july 15th when our lease is up. danica is going to have a baby so her and justin are moving to st.cloud. danica is going to have a baby...

me?
well i'll be moving in to my boyfriend's house, which is where i have been living for the past 3 weeks. danica and justin are already living in st.cloud leaving the apartment empty except for most of our stuff which i am not looking forward to re-packing.

this leads to the best part of my life: my boyfriend john. hey hey, don't get all eye rolly and shit, when was my last relationship? i don't even want to say...

i met john at the place i worked. i hung out with him and this other guy andy. andy and i were good friends and john was just someone i saw at work, who gave me a few rides, and i partied with a couple of times. i invited him and andy over for our st. patty's day party and after many drinks and jell-o shots john asked me out on a date. i know you're thinking what i was thinking: you're drunk so i'm sexy and tomorrow you're going to regret what you said. this is not what happened. instead we went to see 300 and how was the movie? i couldn't tell you. i was making out with him the whole time.

i'm not going to get into much detail b/c there will be doubters but i am very much in love with john. i have never been so completely... i can't even explain myself. i am totally speechless about the whole thing, i don't know how to express my feelings for him in words. people are too cynical about love so i'll leave it at that.

as far as things with my mother goes, it's been up and down. she hasn't even asked me anything about john and on the 22nd we will have been going out for 3 months. when i talk to her it's mostly her trying to make me jealous of something she did or is going to do. for a while i didn't even call her b/c the crazyness was just a tad overboard on her part (lets just say she called me one day to tell me that she might die b/c someone threated to kill her). we are talking again but i don't think i will ever have a solid relationship with her nor do i want one.

before i moved i also recived a letter from my dad. i still haven't sent anything in return but i plan on burning serve the servants onto a cd and mailing it. that song sums up everything i've ever wanted to say to him. he said that anytime i am ready he would like to see me but i don't know if i want to. how do you even deal with that? oh, i haven't seen you since i was 7 here's who i am. i mean jesus! i don't think i can handle that emotionally. i don't think he deserves to see me either.

what else? what else?
*right now i don't have a job so hopefully i will find one soon. i quit where i was working (i don't want to say where b/c it's about as cool as a fat man's asshole) for the simple fact that it made me want to kill myself and i was having small emotional breakdowns almost every night. there was also a rumor spread b/c someone thought they saw me giving head to john in his car (this is false) so they told their friend and within 5 minutes the whole place knew. literally. there were also comments said to me that didn't make me feel too great either. like when i asked a co-worker what time it was and she replyed "why? hot date?" how do you even defend yourself from something like that? I WASN'T GIVING JOHN A BLOWJOB YOU FUCKING MORONS! jesus h. christ we are not in high school people. so what if i was anyway.

*after john and i have some money saved up we are either going to move to st.cloud or move in with his brother when he buys a house. either way after we are moved i am going back to school. there is no excuse for me not too. it's going on 3 years since i've been out of school, and holy shit did that go by fast. i feel like a total moron who needs to get my brain working again. my already shitty writing is getting even shittier.

*police crashed our st.patty's day party and i almost got a minor but the cop left his notebook behind and we never gave it back. they were actually really cool. when they were leaving they told justin that no one was going to get in trouble. they didn't even know why anyone called with a noise complaint.

*i lost 20 pounds. however, i gained back five since i've been at john's. there is actually food here.

*ecstasy is awesome.

*i've smoked the best pot of my life here.

*last thursday i crashed a golf cart into a tree. it was insanely stupid and funny. more stupid then funny.

so much more to write about but it's been far too long. i will be updating this more often now that i have internet access so hopefully people are still checking.

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